Love, Land, and Questions: How Strong Communication Made a Wild Dream Work

2010 | NOW

What sound-minded couple comes to the conclusion to sell their (once) dream house to buy land, go live in a tiny camper with four pets during winter, demolish rotting buildings, and convert a 740-square-foot garage into their new home? This couple. 

Ripping your comfort away and starting over takes courage. A lot of people and couples have courage. But what a lot of couples struggle with is alignment and how to set and achieve a goal. We hear from our readers occasionally that they want aspects of our life, but they don't follow through because they aren’t aligned with their spouse. They want our help convincing their spouse because they don’t know how. For example, a woman recently reached out for help because she wants to start raising meat rabbits but her husband wasn’t on board. She hoped Sean could persuade him by explaining the process. We’re here to help, consult, to teach, but we can’t convince someone’s spouse to live a lifestyle they don’t want.

What it boils down to is what every other happy couple would say: the key is communication. 

We don’t have all the answers to this type of thing. We’re not offering a formula. We’re explaining the communication that held everything together while we built this life.

The ultimate choice to burn it all down and start anew came just ten months into moving into our “dream home.” Regret, fear, and unhappiness aren't easy conversations to have with your spouse. We’re grateful that we’ve always put strong, honest communication as the foundation of our relationship because without it, we would have failed to make this new life happen. 

How did we build it? 

Since the beginning of our relationship, we’ve played a simple game. We take turns asking each other questions. Any question we can think of, or we'd pull a random list from the Internet. The person being asked answers first, and to make it fair, the other individual also answers their own question afterwards. Then you switch turns. The only rule: be honest. 

Sitting around a campfire, we fell in love by asking questions. One by one, we learned each other's history, fears, beliefs, and dreams. 

What’s an experience from your past that shaped who you are but most people don’t know about?

What's the worst "buy one, get one" sale item of all time?

What’s something that quietly scares you about the future?

What’s a value or truth you hold that you think most people overlook or misunderstand?

What are your thoughts on marriage? (We both remember this one vividly because it's the night we told each other we wanted to marry each other someday). 

Nearly twenty years later, that game became a habit of how we communicate. It’s still how we make decisions. The stakes just got higher.

What's something about our life that you want to change?

Do you regret buying this house?

Does this life make you happy? 

Do you want to sell everything and start over?

It doesn't matter which life path you take, every couple must align on the destination or you won't find happiness at the end. The truth is, there’s no master plan or trick we could give you to “convince” your spouse to get on board. It's just communication.  Constant, honest, and sometimes uncomfortable conversation. We built this entire life on the same rule we started with: ask the question, tell the truth, and listen to the answer.

When you listen, you'll notice when one of you is passionate and confident about the plan, or when one of you is seeing nothing but red flags. It's these moments that you have to rely on the trust you have for the other. If one of us feels strongly about something, the other gives them the space to lead. If one of us feels deep hesitation, the other stops and listens. It’s not about winning the argument or getting your way. It’s about staying aligned enough to keep building the same life instead of two separate ones. We’ve learned that confidence and fear can both be right, and that both deserve to be heard.

We still play the question game all the time. It never became something we only use when life feels heavy. It is still one of our favorite date nights. We skip the restaurant and the movie and choose conversation instead. It keeps us curious about each other. It reminds us that no matter how long you have been with someone, you are both still changing and still discovering new corners of who you are. 

If you want a simple way to feel closer to your partner, play the game. Ask a question. Answer your own. The only rule: be honest.